I had almost two weeks off over Christmas. It was amazing. I had time to relax. I got to put the kids to bed at night, lingering over books and singing silly songs. I let them stay up late to go sledding or watch Christmas cartoons with me. I tidied. I crafted. I had a bubble bath before curling up in bed with a book or my journal.
The past few weeks haven’t been like that at all. I hesitate to call them “normal”, between my surgery, weeks of sickness for Nathan, Topher, and Ellie, and my sister’s visit with her six kids – but I suppose all that craziness is normal at this stage of life!
I’m also back to work. I usually work five days a week – sometimes six. I enjoy working. I like my job, I like being able to contribute financially – but lately I feel worn out. Like I’m doing too much, juggling too many balls.
Lately I find myself unable to sleep at night because my mind won’t shut off. I find myself thinking about a time before – back when things were more simple, back when I had all the time in the world. I hate being so busy. I can’t hear myself, never mind God. I wonder if it’s just the phase of life … But this is not the life that I want, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going at this whirlwind pace.
WHEN THINGS DON’T ADD UP, START SUBTRACTING.
I saw that on Pinterest and I can’t get it out of my head. But what can I subtract?
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A few months ago I wrote a “Working From Home Tips & Tricks” post focussing on setting goals and setting limits. I left it up for about two days before I deleted it – not because anything I said was wrong, but because I didn’t feel I should be sharing a post about the importance of balance in your work/home life when it wasn’t something I was actually living out.
I have two jobs:
1. I own my own transcription company and work part-time as a contractor, transcribing medical documents. I typically work five evenings a week, from 6-10 p.m. – but that varies, depending on how busy it is. Some weeks I might work two days a week, some weeks I might not work at all. Since October, though, I’ve been working at least six days a week most weeks due to staff changes and hiring freezes. I appreciate the money – we’re so close to being able to buy a house! – but it’s mind numbing. And exhausting. And I feel like I barely see my husband, even if he is in the same room, because I’m always working in the evenings.
2. I’m a freelance writer. I wish writing paid more because this is the job that fuels me! I write as time permits, which hasn’t been much lately, what with my other job being so busy. I’m actually relieved that my transcription job might soon be ending, since the main office I contract for is switching to voice recognition software. Sure, it’ll be a huge hit financially – but I’ll have time to write more, and that makes me excited!
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Because I feel called to write. My thoughts are so scrambled right now, but I feel like writing – sharing stories – is my way to connect with others. I’m not entirely sure how, exactly, to do that, but I’m sure if I can find the time to breathe, relax, LISTEN – I’ll figure it out.