There are a lot of things I feel I should be writing about today: Mother's Day. Topher's birthday. Ellie at 14 Months. The conversation I had with Nathan the other day.
But as I sit here at my little desk in the corner of our kitchen, listening to the wind and the rain outside my window (because for once both kids are actually napping at the same time!) - the thoughts swirling through my head all seem to revolve around the topic of memories, and how the little things that I do every day are going to make up Topher and Ellie's memories.
* * *
I'm an "I'll Do It When ..." person.
"I'll wake up early to read my Bible when Ellie sleeps through the night."
"I'll start running again when I don't have to work so much in the evenings."
"I'll put more effort into planning school for Topher when I'm not so tired."
"I'll write when I have more time."
There's always a reason why I can't do what I really need to be doing, why it makes sense to put it off for another time.
* * *
I don't want Topher to remember mornings in front of the TV because Mommy had to "just finish one more thing" before we could go outside.
I don't want Ellie to dislike reading because I rush through her books at bedtime (if she gets any at all!) because I need to start work.
I don't want to keep putting them off to finish things I "need" to do, when what I need to be doing is spending time with them.
* * *
I'm realistic. I know there's always going to be a "when" in my life ... but today I'm thinking about things that I can do now to make our days better. To make their memories better.
Here's my list:
1. I'm going to get up earlier in the mornings. Right now I stay in bed until Topher comes in to get me in the morning, but I wake up an hour earlier when Nathan's alarm goes off the first time. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up when the alarm goes off so I'm able to have some quiet time in the morning for reading my Bible, writing, and just having some "me" time before the craziness of the day begins.
2. I'm going to put more effort into planning our weeks: School for Topher, crafts and activities for both kids, outings for all of us. I used to be really good at planning but since I started juggling work with everything else I just stopped putting in the effort. I'm setting aside some time on Sunday evening for planning, since I rarely have to work on Sundays.
3. I'm going to enlist help. I can't do everything and I know that ... What I don't know is why I'm still trying. I've talked about hiring someone to come in for a few hours one or two days a week to either watch the kids while I work or to work (direct translation: CLEAN MY HOUSE!) while I play with the kids. I'm done talking about it. I'm actually going to do it.
4. I'm going to reserve specific "me time". I used to go out on Thursday evenings but that isn't possible now that I work in the evenings. I've been trying to steal time here and there when the kids are napping or playing together, but it's not enough. I love Topher and Ellie but I don't want my entire life to revolve around them. A couple of hours each week for designated "me time" isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.
Is there anything you can do to make your days go better?