Nathan and I fell in love Friday nights at youth. It wasn’t the only place we spent time together - we also went to the same church, the same small group, and the same Bible college - but youth was where we got to know each other. He was the worship leader and I led a small group of junior high and high school girls.
For some reason, I barely spoke to him at church, he barely acknowledged me at small group, and our paths rarely crossed at school, but at youth we became friends. I don’t know what it was about youth that was so different from all the other places … Maybe it was because we were doing ministry together. We were in the trenches.
Sure, we had fun while we taped kids to the wall and played Salmonella Tube and Horse Cup - but we bonded in the hours after youth, when we prayed over everything from high school bullies to dating drama to family situations to cancer scares. Nathan doesn’t have tear ducts, but I cried with (and over) those kids - and we celebrated with them, too.
Our first date was a Friday night when youth was canceled. We were so used to being together on Friday nights that when the pastor said there would be no youth on Good Friday, we decided to spend the evening together instead. We held hands for the first time while we rollerbladed in the park - and the following week, when we held hands at youth, you better believe those kids celebrated with us!
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This year Topher started youth. I think it was a bigger deal for Nathan and I than it was for him. We retired as youth leaders ages ago - we’re old, and Topher wouldn’t think we were cool enough anyway! - but it was a real full circle event. I documented it with photos and he rolled his eyes in just about every single one.
Last Friday, Nathan dropped Topher off at youth and then came home to scroll through his phone. He sat on one side of the couch and I sat on the other. It was a far cry from how we used to spend our Friday evenings.
“Hey, it’s almost like a date night!” I joked. Nathan barely glanced up from his phone.
“When’s the last time we had a date night?” he asked.
Neither of us could remember. Maybe it was our anniversary, in August? No - I was sick then, so we didn’t go out anywhere. Maybe it was in April, when we celebrated our date-iversary? Probably not, since it was mid-week and we wouldn’t have wanted to be out late on a work night. (We’re old!) Maybe for Nathan’s birthday? No, we took the kids with us, so that wouldn’t count. Maybe it was before Christmas, when we went to pick up the grocery order without the kids?
Yes, we agreed. That was probably our last date.
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Nathan was up surprisingly early on Saturday morning. I’m always up early on Saturdays because I like to get the groceries before the store is busy, but Nathan usually stumbles downstairs just in time to open the door for me when I start bringing the groceries inside the house. This week he got up early and came with me.
At first I was annoyed. I won’t lie. I can’t sneak my extra chocolate into the cart when he’s there! But as he pushed the cart up and down the aisles, my annoyance turned into appreciation.
Sometimes that’s what love after babies looks like. It’s not always glamorous. Nathan and I have seen each other at our absolute worst and at our absolute best. He’s supported me through three pregnancies, one miscarriage, the death of a parent - and all the ugliness and messiness that’s just a part of doing life together.
These days there aren’t as many fancy dresses or late nights out. We can’t afford the fancy clothes and we’re too old to stay out past ten more than once or twice a year. Instead we steal moments of time together when we can. Sometimes it’s as mundane as running errands together, getting groceries without the kids or walking the dogs around the block a few times while we talk about the events of the day. Sometimes it’s dancing in the kitchen to the soundtrack of the villagers while the kids play Minecraft in the living room next door. And sometimes it’s Friday nights on the couch, counting down the minutes until we can pick up our own little youthling.
This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Love After Babies".